Snap out of it...

Some of you may know that I was involved in the London bombing in July 05. By involved I mean i was on the tube next to the tube that exploded. I was on the carriage directly opposite. I suffered for a long time after that day, although on the face of it i seemed as jolly as normal, I failed to ever really talk to anyone about how it felt.

Eventually after being unable to sleep for several weeks in 2005 i sought treatment. It was called Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, but essentially to me it seems like just another name for depression. At the time I had one or two other major things going wrong in my life, and this just knocked me back. I had various types of treatment, the most success being CBT. I attended courses for a 12 week period which really helped. I don’t think I’m any different that many people in that I’m unable to talk about my emotions. This gave me the platform to talk to people that I didn’t know, and would be unlikely to come across again. This way i found it much easier to talk.

Being out of the country for Vegas 7/7 had pretty much escaped me, and even on returning to work and speaking with my boss i felt i had no issues. I’d pretty much avoided any show or footage regarding 7/7 since the day. It’s not that i didn’t want to see it, but i felt if i don’t talk about it or see anything then i can lock it away at the back of my mind.

Last Sunday I watched ‘The Angels of Edgware Road’. Then I watched it again straight after, and again after that. Some of the facts seemed a little off, but in general it was spot on. I broke down again remembering all the images and sounds I’d locked away. I couldn’t sleep. Monday I felt very low and couldn’t sleep again. Today I’ve been to see my GP who’s given me some tablets to knock me out which I’ll take in a minute, but right now i don’t think anything could knock me out.

This is rather self indulgent i know, but I thought writing this might help.

I’ll update on other more interesting topics soon, and not just my sleeping patterns.