Snap out of it...

Some of you may know that I was involved in the London bombing in July 05. By involved I mean i was on the tube next to the tube that exploded. I was on the carriage directly opposite. I suffered for a long time after that day, although on the face of it i seemed as jolly as normal, I failed to ever really talk to anyone about how it felt.

Eventually after being unable to sleep for several weeks in 2005 i sought treatment. It was called Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, but essentially to me it seems like just another name for depression. At the time I had one or two other major things going wrong in my life, and this just knocked me back. I had various types of treatment, the most success being CBT. I attended courses for a 12 week period which really helped. I don’t think I’m any different that many people in that I’m unable to talk about my emotions. This gave me the platform to talk to people that I didn’t know, and would be unlikely to come across again. This way i found it much easier to talk.

Being out of the country for Vegas 7/7 had pretty much escaped me, and even on returning to work and speaking with my boss i felt i had no issues. I’d pretty much avoided any show or footage regarding 7/7 since the day. It’s not that i didn’t want to see it, but i felt if i don’t talk about it or see anything then i can lock it away at the back of my mind.

Last Sunday I watched ‘The Angels of Edgware Road’. Then I watched it again straight after, and again after that. Some of the facts seemed a little off, but in general it was spot on. I broke down again remembering all the images and sounds I’d locked away. I couldn’t sleep. Monday I felt very low and couldn’t sleep again. Today I’ve been to see my GP who’s given me some tablets to knock me out which I’ll take in a minute, but right now i don’t think anything could knock me out.

This is rather self indulgent i know, but I thought writing this might help.

I’ll update on other more interesting topics soon, and not just my sleeping patterns.

Success?? or not.

I came back from Vegas feeling as tho' i'd failed. Yes i'd had an awesome holiday, Vegas never fails to disappoint. Yes i'd cashed in more tournaments that ever before, but i didn't make the big score, and i tilted badly in cash games and made calls i shouldn't have. I played in general better that i could have hoped, but on some key hands that would have defined the trip i failed.

Caesars
$220 - 30th out of 666 - paid $441 (1st paid $26,000)
$330 - 20th out of 441 - paid $660 (1st paid $24,000)
$330 - 52nd out of 489
$55 - 1st out of roughly 60 (i think, although maybe more) paid $1050

Ventian
$330 - 77th out of roughly 500

Rio
$1500 - 340th out of 2714.

The final one at the Rio was the worst. 12 hours and zero to show for it. In hindsight i perhaps should have played a few hands slightly differently, but we live and we learn. I think with only 300 left i set my sights on a win or bust strategy. Perhaps I should have cashed and then worried about finishing nearer the top.

On top of all that i won several one table SNG's, but all that went by playing so bad in the cash games. Maybe next year i'll steer clear of cash and just go after the tourneys...

Anyway. Providing my health is good then i plan to try and play some GUKPT events this year.

As I write this I have to say that railing the ME to the final 9 i'm a little gutted that Hellmuth or the Mouth didn't make it... it would have made for a great final in November. It'll be interesting to see if Harrahs/WSOP and ESPN manage to build the profile of the final 9 to get people to tune in.